Box Of Shite

Stolen Tom supported Adam Bomb at the Blyth and Tyne last night. Another great night put on by Vince. Stolen Tom played another solid but short set. Adam Bomb – just like every other time, used fireworks and cranked the amp up loud so you could hear him in Newcastle. However, unlike other shows, Adam is no longer the main attraction!!!!
Stop the press folks – the awesome fret busting, string snapping, tunes while he is playing, sets fire to his guitar frontman that wouldn’t stop for anyone, except maybe to collect his bus pass, has a more amazing talent in his band.
Wait for it…….the drummer……is…….a girl!!!!! I know!!!!!

VIOLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her name is Violet, and she is fucking awesome! And not just for a girl! I mean this chick puts the rock in RockChick! She is not only cool with her hot pink hair, she is also one of the best live drummers and genuinely decent people Stolen Tom have played with. Technically gifted this drummer is clearly a practiced and graded drummer, however, sit her on the stage and the form book goes out the window. SHE BANGS THE DRUMS !!! Crossovers and triplets, doubles and flams all lead in to great rolls and solos, the stick twirling is always a bit OTT but damn it, she makes it look cool! Sav has a black eye from practicing late into the night. Perhaps leave the baton twirling to the ladies Sav??
With ease – Violet is the new Bomb of the Adam show! Using Paulos always solid, pure rock n roll and near perfect bass lines as a bed for sweet drums, she steals the show! Go and see her to believe it!

What the fuck is that…..!?!!

If Winston Churchill could see that ! I believe this to be photographic evidence of the opening of a closet and will believe this untill proven otherwise. The fact that this man has fathered one child and has another just announced as on the way will not cloud my judgement. Congratulations on the functioning male and female reproductive organs Shaggy and his baby momma. This, however, does not excuse you from gaying up your ear!
Stolen Tom are still the hardest band in music, the rythm section have got it covered, while the other two appear to be going through a phase. The poof phase. They will grow out of it!

Are we there yet? How about now? Now? Now? nnnnnn…..now?

” I fucking hate you Ringo ” – John Lennon said that. Being in one of the biggest bands on the planet during the swinging sixties must have had it’s bad times too. One of our band is close to his sixties ( allegedly ) and there is a rumour that the van has been used for swinging…..well dogging actually. And that is where the similarity between the Beatles and Stolen Tom ends.
I have been avoiding the band recently. I ran away with some hippy friends I met at a festival. They said if I acepted Jesus into my heart I could stay with them. We compromised on me tolerating Jesus and maybe going for a pint should he ever show up.
In other news, the band have been doing more gigs and practices. They are sounding good and putting on a hell of a show. Recently they played at The Blyth and Tyne. If three men, in a tent, fighting, is a measure of Stolen Tom, then the man standing in the remains of the tent, having a dance at the end, after the music stopped, is the yardstick by which all bands should be measured.
Did the Beatles ever have a man in a broken tent dancing after the music stopped? Probably.
Stolen Tom – almost exactly like the Beatles.

Beer and sets and chips and gravy!

Having met Les “BattersHisWifey” Battersby off of TV’s “Coronation Shit” , the lads were hungry for more. Meeting slightly famous people is a highlight of any gig in pubs in rural Northumberland…….” so my mate reckons you were on TV, can I get a photo to show my mother?” – “yeah sure!” – “cheers, Ive not seen your show but I saw you were in the papers for trying to kill your wife, smile” (one of sav’s more subtle coversations with TV personalities – but who could forget the Jamie Oliver incident ” Hey your Jamie Oliver, you fat tongued, fish lipped, lispy cockny twat – I fucking love turkey twizzlers).

So what could be better than playing with Marsielle – featuring guitarist …….. wait for it ………. Neil ” this is Art Attack” Buchannen. This September 30th at Hyem (not Hymen Sav) in Newcastle. PVA glue and fairy liquid bottles at the ready as we “try it ourselves” .

Shaggy, our guitar toting frontman, has recently been sponsored by vintage guitars. Whenever he plays on YouTube it will be on a Vintage. Flinty also plays vintage, not the brand though, he’s just is vintage. I believe he got his guitar as a teen, which puts it in the mid 1930′s I believe. I think he bought the bands fun bus then too. Daz must be vintage too seeing as they stopped making Popeye cartoons years ago. His Bluto character was in the show for a while and even then he was in his late 30′s. Do the maths! Sav is a drummer, he’s not sure what he plays, he’s not even sure he is a drummer and neither are the band! But his antics are classic drummer. If anyone in the band is likely to throw a tv or someone from tv out the window, it’s Sav – and that is vintage rock n roll drummer!

So it’s the Blyth and Tynes last weekend coming up. A musical gorge of all things music in one venue over four days. Culminating with Stolen Tom – an honour to say the least – and the lads are putting on a hell of a show. Flinty was in the lock up ordering a black mamba yesterday! Them snakes are dangerous! I can only assume the Vasaline Shaggy ordered at the same time was for making the dance floor slippy! Them guys, there always sneaking off to the lock up for meetings and coming up with mad ideas!! Not sure the rubber body suits were a good idea for the band but it was nice of them both for trying them out first when I walked in on them the other day.
Blyth won’t ever be the same again! Ever !

Ever played with Lego when your pissed?

“Stolen Tom are fucking awesome at drinking and playing” end quote

Any band would be pleased with a quote like this, maybe not the Jonas Brothers, but any propper band. Ok, it’s a quote from the drummer, but it’s still a scoop and you heard it here first.

The band are gearing up for another weekend of rock. Some people think it’s easy to just turn up and play, but there is alot of stuff goes on behind the scenes at a Stolen Tom gig. So you know, here’s usually how it goes :

Flinty gets the van sorted, he winds the crank handle and it spurts into life, the “Sherpa” or the “fun bus” is ready to go. No brakes but who needs them. Rock and death Roll.

The rythm section get picked up. The drummer, Sav, is always sober, prepared, ready and waiting for the van. It sickens him that he is kept waiting. Time is money.

Next to pick up Daz, bass man. Two peeps of the horn and Daz is still smoking his pipe with his slippers on, another two peeps and he is up, seen through the window looking for his planks. The van door slides open and he has either had a good day, or he doesn’t speak. Either way, there is an understanding between him and the drummer – booze n tabs.

Then it’s off to the lock up. Flinty opens up and we start the process of loading the van. At this point it is worth pointing out that the frontmam is not around. Typical.
Everything is heavy in a band, amps, drums, pa systems etc. The lads are in thier peak of physical…..well no they aren’t really, but slowly, the job gets done. Then it’s off to get the stragglers.

One peep outside Shaggys house (frontman) and he’s in the car looking for a beer and lighting up. Sav usually has a beer or two, or has drank a litre or two. The journey to the venue begins. Banter, casual abuse, and accusations, coupled with drinking and a genuine sense of excitement about not being in the Sherpa once they get to the venue.

Then they arrive at the venue. Sometimes it’s easy to offload, sometimes it’s a pain in the arse, but it’s always the band and maybe a mate or two. At this point it’s worth pointing out the frontman is no where to be seen. Typical.

Then they drink and meet and chat and laugh till it’s time to play. When playing they drink and laugh and meet and chat till it time to stop.

Here comes the good bit.

Everything detailed above is to be done again. In reverse order. While knackered. Usually in the dark. At 1 in the morning, but this time, while drunk. Truly, this is one of natures greatest displays. It really is.
So next time you go to see a band, any band, buy these hard working lads a pint! If not just in recognition of the behind the scenes hard work, then at least in an attempt to make life more entertaining for them while they pack the van drunk(and you while you watch).
Ever played with Lego when your drunk?
Yeah?
It’s exactly like that.
“…this thing, hic, this, hic, this fucking thing, hic, goes here, hic…”
(next day)
“….who broke my mike stand?…”

Im going to lift up your cock, then kick you in the nuts!

“….right Harry you little turd, I told you it was coming”
These were the last words I heard before being bundled into the engine bay of a Leyland Daf Artic’ Lorry bound for Croatia.
I very nearly died, and was only discovered after the driver could smell burning shit coming from the engine.

Speaking of hot shit…..Stolen Tom are playing at Bedlington this weekend. Should be good seeing as it’s walking distance for alot of the regulars and is a Saturday night.

Alot is being made of the new carpet in the lock up, the comfort factor has lead to an increase in songs that wouldn’t be allowed on Saturday morning kids, much to one of the bands annoyance.
New haircuts, new songs, a bit of a tan and an interest in getting shit faced have all been occuring. New songs on the way fast and with some of the most amazing backing vocals ever!

Anyway I’m back from my…..travels, and providing I can keep my head down, clear from Sav, and my arse hidden, so “you know who” doesn’t get at it, then Harry Bumstead Press Fuckwit is back on the Press Junkitt.
Later on this week, I’ll be asking Flinty where he gets his wigs from? I’ll be asking Daz if he has stopped secretly eating raw meat! I’ll be asking Shaggy if he has any idea what the lyrics are to Going Down, and I’ll be asking Sav if he has ever lifted up someones cock and kicked them in the balls!
Keep on Rocking Futher Muckers !

Three Horse’s with shoes … ready to fight!!

HArry ere!! just to give you a quick heads up on a few happenings… as a few people have been asking where and whats been going on.. and obviously missing mr.bumstead the number one groupie!! Stolen Tom recently opened up at the Three Horse Shoes festival… and it was great to see the turn out!! What a Wicked weekend… plenty real ale.. free food and beers… and stomping about on stage….. Cant wait till the next one which is possibly gona be later this year I heard a little whisper!!

For those that were that there.. youll already know where the tom has been hiding.. but for those that dont! we locked ourselves away for a bit.. to get some new originals written and… we opened up with the first one at the fest…. Going Down!!

Was great to see the tom boyz strutting there other new track… Fight Music .. and looking around at the crowd to find a crazy old wife.. (possibly in her 80′s) boppin away and mimng the words…. “Put ya fuckin pint down get out that door!! ” hahahha… We Salute you.. and if you need a partner with no legs!!! Harry is a waiting!!

Great to see the all the crowd out again as usual and stevie running round selling cds!! belta!! The only thing is your supposed to give the money to the band not spend it on dirty whores!! …. *makes a note in the diary of the cash flow he owes…

Hopefully the boyz are well on our way for another albums worth of new stuff…. and the website is being updated too by mr.dazlin…

So keep ya ears open and well catch you in a dingy bar somewhere!! Plenty gigs coming up!!

HArry Bumstead… Press Fuckwitt… Signing out!!