VIOLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her name is Violet, and she is fucking awesome! And not just for a girl! I mean this chick puts the rock in RockChick! She is not only cool with her hot pink hair, she is also one of the best live drummers and genuinely decent people Stolen Tom have played with. Technically gifted this drummer is clearly a practiced and graded drummer, however, sit her on the stage and the form book goes out the window. SHE BANGS THE DRUMS !!! Crossovers and triplets, doubles and flams all lead in to great rolls and solos, the stick twirling is always a bit OTT but damn it, she makes it look cool! Sav has a black eye from practicing late into the night. Perhaps leave the baton twirling to the ladies Sav??
With ease – Violet is the new Bomb of the Adam show! Using Paulos always solid, pure rock n roll and near perfect bass lines as a bed for sweet drums, she steals the show! Go and see her to believe it!

So what could be better than playing with Marsielle – featuring guitarist …….. wait for it ………. Neil ” this is Art Attack” Buchannen. This September 30th at Hyem (not Hymen Sav) in Newcastle. PVA glue and fairy liquid bottles at the ready as we “try it ourselves” .

Shaggy, our guitar toting frontman, has recently been sponsored by vintage guitars. Whenever he plays on YouTube it will be on a Vintage. Flinty also plays vintage, not the brand though, he’s just is vintage. I believe he got his guitar as a teen, which puts it in the mid 1930′s I believe. I think he bought the bands fun bus then too. Daz must be vintage too seeing as they stopped making Popeye cartoons years ago. His Bluto character was in the show for a while and even then he was in his late 30′s. Do the maths! Sav is a drummer, he’s not sure what he plays, he’s not even sure he is a drummer and neither are the band! But his antics are classic drummer. If anyone in the band is likely to throw a tv or someone from tv out the window, it’s Sav – and that is vintage rock n roll drummer!

So it’s the Blyth and Tynes last weekend coming up. A musical gorge of all things music in one venue over four days. Culminating with Stolen Tom – an honour to say the least – and the lads are putting on a hell of a show. Flinty was in the lock up ordering a black mamba yesterday! Them snakes are dangerous! I can only assume the Vasaline Shaggy ordered at the same time was for making the dance floor slippy! Them guys, there always sneaking off to the lock up for meetings and coming up with mad ideas!! Not sure the rubber body suits were a good idea for the band but it was nice of them both for trying them out first when I walked in on them the other day.
Blyth won’t ever be the same again! Ever !

Any band would be pleased with a quote like this, maybe not the Jonas Brothers, but any propper band. Ok, it’s a quote from the drummer, but it’s still a scoop and you heard it here first.

The band are gearing up for another weekend of rock. Some people think it’s easy to just turn up and play, but there is alot of stuff goes on behind the scenes at a Stolen Tom gig. So you know, here’s usually how it goes :

Flinty gets the van sorted, he winds the crank handle and it spurts into life, the “Sherpa” or the “fun bus” is ready to go. No brakes but who needs them. Rock and death Roll.

The rythm section get picked up. The drummer, Sav, is always sober, prepared, ready and waiting for the van. It sickens him that he is kept waiting. Time is money.

Next to pick up Daz, bass man. Two peeps of the horn and Daz is still smoking his pipe with his slippers on, another two peeps and he is up, seen through the window looking for his planks. The van door slides open and he has either had a good day, or he doesn’t speak. Either way, there is an understanding between him and the drummer – booze n tabs.

Then it’s off to the lock up. Flinty opens up and we start the process of loading the van. At this point it is worth pointing out that the frontmam is not around. Typical.
Everything is heavy in a band, amps, drums, pa systems etc. The lads are in thier peak of physical…..well no they aren’t really, but slowly, the job gets done. Then it’s off to get the stragglers.

One peep outside Shaggys house (frontman) and he’s in the car looking for a beer and lighting up. Sav usually has a beer or two, or has drank a litre or two. The journey to the venue begins. Banter, casual abuse, and accusations, coupled with drinking and a genuine sense of excitement about not being in the Sherpa once they get to the venue.

Then they arrive at the venue. Sometimes it’s easy to offload, sometimes it’s a pain in the arse, but it’s always the band and maybe a mate or two. At this point it’s worth pointing out the frontman is no where to be seen. Typical.

Then they drink and meet and chat and laugh till it’s time to play. When playing they drink and laugh and meet and chat till it time to stop.

Here comes the good bit.

Everything detailed above is to be done again. In reverse order. While knackered. Usually in the dark. At 1 in the morning, but this time, while drunk. Truly, this is one of natures greatest displays. It really is.
So next time you go to see a band, any band, buy these hard working lads a pint! If not just in recognition of the behind the scenes hard work, then at least in an attempt to make life more entertaining for them while they pack the van drunk(and you while you watch).
Ever played with Lego when your drunk?
Yeah?
It’s exactly like that.
“…this thing, hic, this, hic, this fucking thing, hic, goes here, hic…”
(next day)
“….who broke my mike stand?…”

Speaking of hot shit…..Stolen Tom are playing at Bedlington this weekend. Should be good seeing as it’s walking distance for alot of the regulars and is a Saturday night.

Alot is being made of the new carpet in the lock up, the comfort factor has lead to an increase in songs that wouldn’t be allowed on Saturday morning kids, much to one of the bands annoyance.
New haircuts, new songs, a bit of a tan and an interest in getting shit faced have all been occuring. New songs on the way fast and with some of the most amazing backing vocals ever!

Anyway I’m back from my…..travels, and providing I can keep my head down, clear from Sav, and my arse hidden, so “you know who” doesn’t get at it, then Harry Bumstead Press Fuckwit is back on the Press Junkitt.
Later on this week, I’ll be asking Flinty where he gets his wigs from? I’ll be asking Daz if he has stopped secretly eating raw meat! I’ll be asking Shaggy if he has any idea what the lyrics are to Going Down, and I’ll be asking Sav if he has ever lifted up someones cock and kicked them in the balls!
Keep on Rocking Futher Muckers !

For those that were that there.. youll already know where the tom has been hiding.. but for those that dont! we locked ourselves away for a bit.. to get some new originals written and… we opened up with the first one at the fest…. Going Down!!

Was great to see the tom boyz strutting there other new track… Fight Music .. and looking around at the crowd to find a crazy old wife.. (possibly in her 80′s) boppin away and mimng the words…. “Put ya fuckin pint down get out that door!! ” hahahha… We Salute you.. and if you need a partner with no legs!!! Harry is a waiting!!

Great to see the all the crowd out again as usual and stevie running round selling cds!! belta!! The only thing is your supposed to give the money to the band not spend it on dirty whores!! …. *makes a note in the diary of the cash flow he owes…

Hopefully the boyz are well on our way for another albums worth of new stuff…. and the website is being updated too by mr.dazlin…

So keep ya ears open and well catch you in a dingy bar somewhere!! Plenty gigs coming up!!

HArry Bumstead… Press Fuckwitt… Signing out!!

Pedro…..Oy! Pedro…….where’s the fucking pub like?……..PEDRO!!??…….FUCKIN DOS BEER POUR FA 4! …….cunt

Well if people vote and we get to go then I reckon the lads are fucked coz Sav n Shaggy have no passport after the Russia incident, Daz is barred from
Europe and Flinty has somewhere he needs to be every Wednesday morning at 10am.

Barbers

Fuck off then, don’t want to go anyway!

The start of the night should have been an indicator of things to come, when our sober and usually placid driver Terry, decided to wind up the locals. Taking hold of a nearby ringing phone, Terry exercised his right to tell some
birds boyfriend that she was doing rude things to the band. Within minuites a Corsa and two hoodies were outside. To cut a very boring story short, the teenagers were told to go home for supper, and Terry was the big man on campus. His own campus. The University Hard Cocks. Hard coz he offered both of them a fight and they ran away. Cocks because, well let’s face it, he started it, so he’s a cock! But he’s our cock!

Our mate Garry “hands up who likes The Smiths” Featherston warmed up the crowd. There were about 80 or 100 people there when he started, maybe even 200, and he gave it to them like he was onstage at Wemberley!
By the time he finished the crowds knew it wouldn’t get better than that, and fucked off home for Easter eggs. Cheers Garry.
The band took the stage, and in what can only be described as 23 minuites of music. With a percussion malfunction and equiement misplacementeant, it was all over.

Stolen Tom would like to thank the Market Tavern for being so understanding, and we will be back whenever you want us to make amends.

The lads were meant to be practicing last night, but the drummer, who is a bunch of cunts, was spoiling for a fight, and Daz had been arrested on suspicion of being Popeye the Sailor Man. Sav has since calmed down and Daz was released after it was found that his massive forearms were infact those of Bluto, Popeyes arch nemisis. The hunt for Popeye continues, and anyone who sees him is asked not to speak to him, he has been known to irritate people by only replying with “Uk gu-gu-gu-gu-gu” and he stinks of spinach. He’s also gay, like all sailors.

Flinty
“Sav you at a bunch of cunts!”

Sav (with delight)
“I am a bunch of cunts!”

Shaggy (quietly)
“Lets get Flinty eh Sav!?”

Sav
“I am a bunch of cunts”

Daz
“what’s going on”

Shaggy
“me and Sav are a bunch of cunts”

Priceless!

One sweat riddled towel, one toilet, two mischievous bunch of cunts, and one drunk guitarist – this is not Marks&Spencer bullying, this is Stolen Tom bullying!

After Flinty had quite got rid of the taste of fresh sweat – of which Shaggy had earlier been victim to, the band reflected on what was quite literally a gig at the Isabella in Blyth on a quiet Saturday night.
Having drank all of the available shots at the bar and pretty much resignd themselves to the fact that drunk was the only way to go, the lads took to the stage like four of “that drunk bloke is the bus station”. Sounded really good, songs went well, but the crowd (i say crowd I mean group) seemed to be looking for something different. I’m not sure what they were looking for, but I’m guessing it wasn’t sparkling intellect and a 9-5 job.
There was a birthday party in! The lads tried to engage the party lot but it was a bit like talking to a cat, they knew we were talking in scentences, but they didn’t give a monkey, of which two of them bore a striking resemblance. Lovely girls.

The landlord Paul, as ever the host you love to play for, top bloke, round of shots and a beer for the lads!

All in all, for the first small pub gig after playing a big venue like the O2, it was quite literally, the Isabella in Blyth on a quiet Saturday night!

Next Sunday the lads are playing at the Meerkat Cabin in AlansDick? I think that’s what they said. It’s a living room at the back of a pub – FUCKING MENTAL! But no jumping around coz the ceilings quite low and you might break the three piece! On the plus side, tea, coffe and Window Cake are available. Crazy crazy rock n roll days.